Am I Anything?
by SaetonLaChapelle
Summary: Miroku sitting at a lake just thinking about different things, his past, his future, and his friends. But maybe some memories that he remembers, was the things he hoped to forget.


**** Very odd, I will say. Please R&R! I would love it!!! Bye byes. ****  
Am I Anything?  
  
Sometimes I wonder. I begin to think about things I normally don't think about. Most of the time I only think about what's in the future, never what happened in the past. But now I must ask myself, why would I want to look in the past, what good has it done me? None, no good at all. The only thing in my past was pain and remorse. Though, know that I think about it, that's not all.  
  
I sit here now, staring at the cool rivers water. Young fish swim by, oblivious to my watching. My companion, the only friend I really trust, sits by me. My staff. It has saved me many a times, but even then, to think about the old friend, I must think about the past.  
  
I wonder, does everyone think like I? Of course not, of course they couldn't. No one can think as I can, for they are not I. They will never feel my sadness and pain, as I will never feel theirs. I confuse myself sometimes though; even my own actions make me think about things.  
  
When I was young, I didn't know about the damned curse. The thing that will eventually take me from this world. My grandfather died when he was sixty, my father when he was forty, and what am I now? Ah yes, nineteen. Hmm, seems to be a pattern going on. Sometimes though, I can't wait for the thing to take me. I hate waiting, knowing that I may be gone by tomorrow morning. Everyone sees me as a happy, carefree person, but that isn't true.  
  
I watched him, watched him die. For a nine year old, that can be very depressing, and it was. I watched as he looked at me, screamed for me to leave. I never did what he asked, I disobeyed his last wish. What a wonderful child I am. He looked so much in pain, will that happen to me?  
  
I watch a deer walk past me about thirty feet away. It stops, and looks in my direction, then looks at my hand. Does it know? Probably not. It scampers off somewhere, probably to its mate. The deer, it reminds me of them, my friends.  
  
They are such wonderful people, all of them. They are strong and good willed, why couldn't I be like that. They act nice to me, but I know, deep inside them, they trust me just as much as they trust Naraku. I haven't given them any reason to like me, and I understand that. I run off whenever I please, touch girls where they really shouldn't be touched, and I lie and cheat. I'm such a great friend.  
  
Huddling my knees to my chest, I begin to cry. How manly of me, a priest crying. But as I think about it more and more, I notice how much I mean to the group. When I die, they will forget about me. I know that, they will all be happy. Maybe even have a party.  
  
I am alone; I have known that since I was young, since dad died. He was the only one who cared.  
  
Knowing that, knowing there was no one else in the world that could ever care for me made me sob harder. I would be dead within the year, and because of the curse, I could never love. I could never be normal. Suddenly I wished I was like Kagome, the only thing she has to worry about is those darn tests.  
  
Now that I think about it, everyone is missing someone. Sango, her younger brother and family. Inu Yasha, his love and his childhood. Shippou, his father. And Kagome, her father.  
  
Why though, why did god have to take these things away from us. Does god hate us, does he hate me?  
  
No, I have always prayed when I was suppose to, I love god, he is my friend. But god only has time for people who matter, and I just ain't that. The tears stopped, but I could still feel the pain. My heart felt like it had split. Nothing seemed right anymore.  
  
Sango.  
  
A beautiful young woman she was. She was perfect, she was right. Everything about her was right. Her moves, her voice, her everything. Suddenly, I wish she knew why I touch her. Not to be perverted, okay, maybe it was that a little. But mostly, because I want her to notice me. Who would notice a low life Houshi? Not a wonderful demon exterminator, that's for sure. I touch her to get her attention, to show her I'm there. I would never ask her to bare my child; it would just break my heart if she rejected me. I love to think, that maybe someday, she would say yes. That she would jump into my arms and hug me, but for now, that is just a dream.  
  
Getting up, I wiped my pale face from the tears. For now, I would walk with them, and I suddenly made a vow. I would fight till I die, and while I fight; I will always protect Lady Sango. Always.  
***** I know, very odd. I'm sorry about this, lol, my sad excuse for a story. I cant think of any ideas for my other 20 stories at work, so I though Id made a new one. Please R&R!!! Thankies! ^_^**** 


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